


Tremors

by Telaryn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Biological Weapons, Difficult Decisions, Families of Choice, Forgiveness, Gen, Guilt, Headcanon, Headcanon Accepted, Heavy Angst, Memories, Old Peggy Carter, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 21:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4074598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telaryn/pseuds/Telaryn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Old SHIELD agents never die - they just fade away.  In the case of Peggy Carter, however, sometimes fate needs to lend a hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tremors

**Author's Note:**

> I never intended to write this.
> 
> This is actually inspired by somebody's headcanon on Tumblr. The idea was that it was too dangerous to let somebody like Margaret Carter simply retire and re-enter civilian life. Somehow everything she knew, everything she had been a part of had to be neutralized. And so, the dementia we see having taken root in The Winter Soldier was actually something inflicted on her by Fury and SHIELD in order to keep her from becoming a political football.
> 
> I don't know why it suddenly occurred to me that the biggest problem I had with that headcanon was the idea that it was something that would have been done to Peggy without her knowledge or consent. Much more powerful and much more tragic if it was her free and conscious choice to have it done.
> 
> Even more tragic if the one with the technology to make it happen was somebody she'd considered family ever since he was born.
> 
> And yes - I understand that by having Peggy choose this path I am writing her making a deeply selfish choice on how she wants to exit this world. After everything she's given up though, I think she's entitled. Besides, the story is set in 2008. At this point nobody can even conceive of Steve Rogers returning to the world as if no time at all has passed.

“I never considered it would be you.” Peggy tried to ignore the tiny shiver of sound as she set the tea cup in front of her visitor. She had only recently noticed the tremors and still didn’t know if their cause was physical or emotional. In the larger canvas of her life it was a minor thing, but she didn’t want Howard’s son misunderstanding where she stood. _Not today, of all days._ “Tony, are you sure you want to take this on yourself?”

She’d learned early on that comparing Anthony Stark to his father won her no favors, but on a night like this one it was hard not to see the parallels – at least in the privacy of her own mind. “You’re using my tech to do this, Aunt Peggy. I respect that Fury gave you the choice, but I’m not going to leave you in the hands of some overworked SHIELD MD who doesn’t fully understand what he’s doing. Or to whom.”

 _That’s his mother coming through_ Peggy thought, taking her own seat opposite him. “You don’t agree with my decision?” She picked up her own cup and took a careful sip.

Even if she didn’t already know from Director Fury that he didn’t, the truth was writ large in Stark’s eyes. “It’s a slow, ugly death Aunt Peggy. You haven’t even given me a chance to investigate whether or not there’s a better option out there!” He exhaled sharply, pulling himself back under control by sheer force of will. “I’m sorry. You asked.”

Peggy took another sip of her tea. “I did. And I appreciate your candor. Give me some credit though, Tony. I have done the research, and this is the only path that satisfies all the criteria that Nick and I laid out.”

“You know what it’s going to do to the rest of us.” It clearly wasn’t intended as a question, and Peggy chose not to treat it as one.

“I have insurance,” Peggy said, setting her cup down at last. “The best a lifetime of service to two governments can buy. And I will be relying on you and Sharon to make certain that Trip doesn’t spin out once the news becomes public.”

“They deserve to know,” Stark said sharply, his anger flaring again briefly at the mention of her niece and grandson. “It isn’t fair.”

His declaration was so earnest and naïve in the face of the very large gun barrel they were both looking down, that Peggy couldn’t help laughing through her tears. “Oh my dear boy, don’t you understand? If you didn’t carry the twin curse of your father’s genius and your mother’s compassion, I would have spared you too.” She bowed her head briefly over her clasped hands, swallowing back a sob. “This has to happen as naturally as possible, Tony.” When she could trust herself again, she looked up – meeting his eyes. “No questions. No doubts. I can’t do that without you, although I won’t insist you be the one to hold the needle. I can give you that much, at least.”

“I’m not asking to be spared,” he said quickly. “I meant what I said – if you and Fury are determined to do this, I’m not putting you in the hands of a stranger.”

His passion and determination were almost her undoing. _Howard, you wanker,_ she thought, pouring herself more tea. _Why couldn’t you have just once told him how proud you were?_ She raised the teapot questioningly, but Tony shook his head. “All right,” she said, feeling steadier as she set the pot back down. “I’ve done my research, but is there anything you think I should know?”

Stark was silent for a moment, carefully considering her question. “I’ve tweaked the formula as much as I can to minimize the physical side effects. I’m also continuing to refine the formula so that its effects are more gradual – spread out over a longer period of time.”

A tiny thrill of fear shivered through Peggy’s body. “Tony, Nick and I have a timetable already set out. This has to happen soon…” Her voice trailed off as she realized Stark was nodding.

“Deliberately bringing on something like this takes time, Aunt Peggy. Six shots delivered over the course of twelve months. You’ll get the effects you and Nick are after, but I’m not going to apologize for trying to leave you your dignity as long as I can.”

Once again, her tears threatened. “I am selfishly grateful you’re being so stubborn about this,” she said, managing a smile for him. “I’ve made my peace with what has to happen, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.” She blew out a soft breath, willing herself calm again. “It will be easier putting myself in the hands of someone I trust.”

She was startled to see the effect her admission had on him. Stark ducked his head for a moment, dark, conflicting emotions warring in his expression. “I’m not my father,” he said finally, looking up at her again. “You probably shouldn’t trust me just because you trusted him.”

“Trust..?” Laughter probably wasn’t the most sensitive response she could have managed, but coming from Howard’s own son the idea was so ridiculous Peggy couldn’t help herself. “Oh my dear boy – I loved your father as one of my dearest friends, but trust him? I promise you, I made that mistake only a few times in my life, and he invariably set me straight in short order.” She drew a deep, steadying breath and tried to calm herself. “I trust _you_ , Anthony Stark. For yourself. For everything you’ve said here tonight, everything you’ve agreed to, and most of all because of the man I know you are deep down inside.”

The thought had clearly never occurred to him; Peggy kept her silence long enough to let him digest what she’d said in whatever way he needed to. When he finally spoke again, the question clearly uppermost in his thoughts caught her unexpectedly off-guard. “You said you loved my father. Did you and he..?”

She hadn’t been able to hear the word “fondue” in over forty years without smiling. “Not like that,” she said gently, half lost in memory now. “We flirted some, and he tried to kiss me on VE day, but after Steve…” Her voice trailed off as she remembered an argument a lifetime ago when Howard had finally let her see how much Steve Rogers’ loss had affected him too. “We both loved him,” she finished. “It would have been…wrong, somehow.”

Since it seemed to have turned into a night for awkward questions that had been allowed to fester, Peggy abruptly changed the subject. “Nick tells me that your personal AI is progressing spectacularly.”

She’d caught him off guard, but Tony Stark had inherited his father’s ability to ‘roll with the punches’, as they said, in full measure. “Would you like to see?” he asked, clearly warming to the change in subject. When she nodded, he touched a band on his wrist. “JARVIS? Wake up buddy – somebody wants to meet you.”

 _”The pleasure is mine, Miss Carter.”_  
*****************************************  
Whatever else he felt about tonight and what he was getting ready to do, Tony Stark knew that he wouldn’t have missed the look on Peggy Carter’s face as JARVIS greeted her for anything. “He’s programmed from my memories,” he said, slipping off his wristband and laying it on the table between them, “so he’s not going to be exactly like the Edwin Jarvis you knew.”

“I don’t think I should know how to handle myself if he were,” she said, her eyes still shining with wonder, even as her brain tried to process the fact that there was no physical presence for her to focus on. “Tony, it’s magnificent!”

Feeling an unexpected glow of pleasure at her praise, Tony couldn’t stop his own answering grin. _You think that’s magnificent?_ “JARVIS,” he said, “Aunt Peggy knew your ancestor, the flesh and blood Jarvis.”

 _”New York City, 1946,”_ JARVIS said. _”Washington DC, early 1947, London, Summer of 1948…”_

Peggy made a small squeak of startled outrage. “That will be quite enough of that!” she snapped, levelling an angry glare at Tony. “Does Nick know you’ve hacked into the old SSR files?”

“We get bored easily,” Tony said, not bothering to feign remorse he didn’t feel. “JARVIS likes hearing stories about his ancestor though, if you’ve got any unclassified ones you’re willing to share?”

His family’s butler was clearly a warm spot for Peggy – it didn’t take much persuading on his part for her to begin telling about the night she and Edwin Jarvis had met, and how she had introduced him with her fist to the folly of approaching strange women on dark American streets.

After listening to her talk for a moment, Tony got quietly to his feet and began clearing away the tea service. Peggy shot him a quick glance, but he reassured her just as wordlessly and continued gathering the bits and bobs as she settled back into her memories.

 _Pretty soon it’s all she’ll have left,_ he thought, unable to keep the bitterness at bay once his back was turned and he was heading for the relative safety of the kitchen. _”She knows too much,”_ Fury had said. _”We have to make it so that every rogue terrorist with an agenda isn’t targeting her the second she steps down.”_ Tony was grateful that Peggy had been allowed to choose her path, but it didn’t change the fact that dementia of any sort was his own personal nightmare.

“Bullet to the head would have been kinder,” he muttered, setting the tray down and pulling a small, slim case out of an inside pocket of his jacket. Intellectually he understood why she hadn’t chosen that route. Executions, no matter how they were cloaked, raised questions and Peggy Carter’s descendants weren’t the sort of people to let questions lie unanswered. _No surprise they’re both SHIELD,_ he thought, setting the case aside long enough to transfer the milk into the refrigerator, and the sugar and cookies into their regular containers.

 _Six shots, spaced at two month intervals. First one’s going to be the worst,_ he thought, closing his hand over the case again and doing his best to school his features to a more neutral expression. It was going to make her sick – was designed to do so, in fact – so that when her memory and awareness finally did begin to fade, the doctors would have something in her medical history to point to.

She was in the middle of finishing a story when he reentered her parlor, her smile as big and genuine as he could ever remember seeing it. “Edwin Jarvis was one of my best friends for more than half my life, Tony,” she said as he took his seat again. “The idea that he still lives, even in part, because of you – well, it’s beyond amazing. Thank you for sharing him with me.”

“I was actually going to propose setting up a remote relay station here,” he said, realizing abruptly that what he had conceived of as necessity might offer some comfort as well. “I have to go to Afghanistan at the end of the month for a couple of weeks. I’ll be back in plenty of time for your second dose, but JARVIS can monitor your vitals in real time, and alert me or Fury if something unexpected happens.”

“So we are going to do this tonight,” she said carefully after a moment of silence. “I was beginning to wonder.”

Tony put the case on the table between them. “Any later and I won’t have time to make sure the worst of your symptoms are past,” he said, settling back into his chair. “Your fever’s going to go pretty high, and you’re going to feel like hell for a couple of days.”

She nodded. “I remember. You won’t forget to call Sharon?” Not looking away from him, she pushed up her shirt sleeve.

Tony managed a smile in spite of himself. “And risk her kicking my ass for not telling her? No ma’am. As soon as I’m sure the serum has taken hold and I’ve seen you safely to bed, Sharon is my first call. I won’t forget.” Turning his attention to the case at last he opened it, revealing the first dose of a biological weapon Stark Industries had abandoned developing years earlier as being ‘inefficient’. Tony had always privately hoped to use it as a stepping stone to a cure for the very thing it was designed to cause.

 _Now, though…_ “You probably won’t start feeling any effects for at least thirty minutes,” he said, avoiding her eyes as he got to his feet and came around the table to stand by her chair. “After that I’m not entirely certain how it’s going to manifest. I ran tests against all the medical samples SHIELD has on file for you, and…”

Graceful fingers slid across his arm as he readied the syringe, applying pressure until he was forced to meet her gaze. “Te absolvo, Anthony,” Peggy Carter said softly. “Please remember that this is my choice, and try to forgive yourself.”

Tears blurred his vision then, until Tony was forced to set the serum aside or risk an accident. “I love you,” he said, bowing his head as he began to cry for everything he was about to lose… _everything he was about to destroy._ “I’m sorry I never said it before – not really – and I shouldn’t have asked you about you and my dad. You’ve always been so wonderful, and…”

Arms that were still stronger than they should have been encircled him, urging him down until his head was resting on her shoulder. “You have nothing to apologize for, my boy,” Peggy said, her hand impossibly gentle against the tangle of his curls. “I am in your debt, and I couldn’t be prouder of the man you’re becoming than if you were my own.”

It was selfish of him – he knew – but Tony stayed in her arms for as long as he dared. Then, once he could trust himself again, he gently pulled free and picked up the syringe again. “I’m going to miss you, Peggy Carter,” he said, swabbing the skin of her arm, and then sliding the needle home.


End file.
